my other blog's missing!

I can't seem to find my other blog. It seems to have been deleted! It's such an unfortunate event because by this time, I am actually itching to personalize things and then things happen. :(

one down, two to go.

Talking about the last straw, I have been seriously having mine early yesterday. I was late for class for the nth time, and so my teacher decided AGAIN not to touch, even just glance, over our research paper which made me, even Arnie, to lack sleeping hours!

I really have been running late in the morning, but what I did choose to do before I leave our village was to get back up to running home because I left something unnecessarily important - my lunch. I was stupid enough to consider heading back home because I failed to see the effort my mom gave in preparing my lunch. So there, I was left out with a bigger consequence. :(

Another problem is with my friends back in UPLB. I have failed to visit them for the nth time, though there were no appointments really, (except for the birthdays I have missed). There's Cathy's, Arian's and now Renz's. I really wanted to go, truly. Unfortunately, my schedule has always been wrapped up. Especially during Tuesdays and Fridays on which their birthdays have fallen upon.

The things I really consider of a problem with these issues are: time, company and money.

First, time because of my schedule and all. During Mondays, I have to be in Batangas from 8-5 pm and of course, there are extra curricular activities waiting to be done. Also, having some kind of an organization would mean tasks to do and things to get started. When do we meet? Every saturday. There's also times when I have to go to Parañaque to stay overnight because of family and church affairs.

Company, pointins directly to my friends over there. Of course, since they are with each other for the rest of their college activities whether academic or not, they have grown close enough to make me feel out of place everytime I visit.

And of course, with our depressing economy, ...nuff said.

Then, there's someone who got mad at me. Lamely because of a certain truth I have emphasized thru text which did not even involve anybody else but a few people in our class. While we reconciled after some time the next day after, a few minutes later, our other close friend remembered about the text and therefore I answered his question. Then again, he laughed about finding out IN FRONT of him, and there he went furious again. It took me 5 days before I got our friendship back with numerous talks involving different people about our situation.

I missed everything we used to share, especially when people were talking about Photoshop and Cadbury Fruit and Nut - which we have been enjoying commonly among ourselves. Then, about a minute before we leave school, there he was smiling at me and then I had my tears bulge up along my outer canthus (?).

Not that I'm crushing on him or anything (as anyone has been thinking), I remain true to our friendship. Besides, I'm enjoying my time spent with .... XD

.....O_O

Cindy, Zaida and Chelcy (who was having her 13th birthday today) went here just this afternoon to spend some time with each other. Unfortunately, my mom and I have been at Crossing to run some errands. Our trip also included having to spree around the city and do some on-the-list shopping with my mom, with the addition of many other things unconsciously bought. XD

Pizza, which they themselves bought at the local pizza parlor, was served together with milkshakes they bought on their own. My mom and I had loathed Cindy since she did not gave us time to prepare for her visitors. Instead, I found my mom cook lunch for us [at around 3pm!]

Yesterday was Nicher's (arnie's nephew from his cousin) first birthday. I was invited, but I did not come since my classes ended at 7 pm already! I would have loved to come lest he fetched me (haha) because my mom also wanted me to come for the food. hahaha, talk about eating! XD

About school, I was so stupid to inform Jam about ____'s plan to leave. Why? Maybe I was so stricken with grief since I found out that ____ would leave in the near future also! XC Like, it's the nth news I heard about leaving school and transferring to other place and continue studying in that place! It's not that I want them to have a hard time to leave, but of course, who would want to be away from your close friends! Those whom you already considered as part of your life( and things of the same context)...

currently listening to migraine.

I feel down. I just got 78 for my Filipino quiz which nobody believed to be THAT bad. I know I have been feeling DOWN since earlier this day but I cannot really discern what has been happening inside of me...and trust me, you wouldn't actually care.

Our preliminary exam is like 1 day away so I really have to study.. Still, I chose to be with my bestfriend, my blog.. and I admit it - I need to study.

But I can't concentrate because I have been having my eyes on a new phone. Walkman phone + 3.2 mp camera is, I think, somewhere near my reach, so I have been thinking of availing it... but I couldn't even tell it to my dad because I know that we really are having our last coins emptying every money-containing-wallets-and-coin-banks [which is actually overstated,but is almost what we really are] and also because I have not been considering communications to him [for almost about 5 days] until last night when I sent him a text message...

who EVER made such decision?!

Just this morning, I was out of the first group which I was supposed to be in! I hate it when it happened - that my group mates and I be separated from each and every one from the group I used to be with, and from the CI whom I have grown close to.. XC

Much to my surprise was someone's overwhelming reaction to my moving out moment. He even motioned to go on bended knees, which is I think for fun only. O.o Then my critics [?!] have been laughing off because they knew I wanted NOT to move out, all eyes were staring with various emotions wanting me to be more quiet.

This morning, after the grievous announcement, I have tried to compensate for the loneliness by being comfortable with my new CI and my new group mates who are also actually part of my clique. I even tricked Ms. Nucup to admit that she still does bar hopping and all! haha. Stupid me! XD [she actually fell for it..XP]

There's a new dean, and in the process of disseminating facts through all the staff of our school, we had an early dismissal, 2 hours before our official end of classes, and we had to eat lunch, so we had 3 hours spent for extracurricular activities.

What we did was we went to Sheryl's place and ate free, sumptuous meal; played around with each other and with the baby, watched Miss Universe [which did not include our country's bet] and prepared for whatever we had to do before heading out to school...

Before moving up into a jitney, we were startled to have like more than one bus parked beside the market. We asked in which 'school' were they from, and we like fainted for one's answer: "CEU".

Back to Sheryl's house, the dilemma of either cutting classes or going back was raised because it has been so much of an idle time we just wanted to rest and sleep. We went back anyway since we were worried [or am I the only one?] of quizzes usually given at the following subjects about to take place...but everybody knows we did ample discussion and were given assignments for future topics to be reported. How rude.

During our last period, we were missing Ms. Susa that we were comparing the replacement to her. Well, I couldn't argue with that since it's really evident that our former CI is much better. To kick things off, Girlyn and I were passing notes on lyrics about being heartbroken. Boredom rules! hahaha.. and it's a good sign that I am NOT HEARTBROKEN anymore because I have found my joy. [and where did I just get that?!]

Before going home, I just had to have some treats! What I did get for myself was box of 3 of Gonuts Donuts which opened just recently. It's really very delightful, and I had to be grateful for having done so. I enjoyed my night. XD [pg alert!]

Then there's Enzo, whom Girlyn's tears were falling out for...

I feel like...

left alone. There will always be times like this, maybe because you can actually see people around you not wanting you around that you might just want to leave and be somewhere else other than where you are right now.

weary. Who wouldn't? After having almost 12 hours of having classes, I feel like I just want to sleep and dream throughout the night. Good thing I only have four days every week for classes, lest I be like someone who can not attend to other occasions other than schooling.

guilty. I think I have some guilt in me because of having girl friends this semester just for the sake of having someone with me during the trip from school to our home (well, actually, only until we reach the terminal.) During school hours, it is usually JJ and JR (coincidentally having the same pet names) whom I am with.

sick. I can actually feel some discomfort just below my tummy, especially when I pee. It's as if I have some kind of UTI or something.

idle. Yes, I know, this is really actually me. Yet I feel pressured because every instructor recurrently asks who among the class is a scholar, and since I have been pointed at by another scholar, then the two of us is known to be.

my first sophie day. XD

It all started at 4.30, in which time I woke up and had to sleep again for one hour. The alarm for 4.30 was intended for some test time - I mean, if I will be able to wake up at that time, then I'll be able to wake up at 5.30. You see, it usually takes 1 hour before I could prepare and leave home.I think it's better than other who bathe at 1 hour!

Then I walked through the village's busy streets to my friend, who's currently a freshman that we could go to school together. However, she already left because she had to be early. The thing is-she's TOO EARLY.

Through the journey, I have been with schoolmates whom I don't know actually. The thing is, they are Jam's boarding house-mates. Too bad she was too early to be one of them, now we couldn't be more together. Well at least I met her minutes before classes start.

Then there's someone so familiar I want to make him always stay - but he's actually more attached to his second semester friends. Anyway, at least he was always there to accompany me since he I'm the people whom I am very close to (referring to Jam and Nesty who happen to be in other sections distant from mine.) And I actually miss the times that we do lots of stuff incorporated with the most sincere laughters anyone would ever want.

And I miss the times when there were seven of us. And Lerry would be the quiet one who always had with his ears earplugs for some hardcore music which is actually considerable.. And Jazer who will always be the poet and the keen eyed-whatever who would always comment and debate over small things and would never want even his friends to open his mind. (I actually hate him for that.) And Jopo who will always be the charming and sweet guy who always is a friend when needed, an addiction actually to some of the ladies, but will always be loyal to -_- And JR who's always the comic actor and a great friend, enough said. (I won't like it anyway if I have to talk about someone who used to be....) And Nesty who's always the brainy girl and having always the extra mile towards everything conceivable.. and Jam who will always be my good friend and everything else...

You wouldn't believe this, but I was actually voted as Vice President of our class, just because they knew that I'm a scholar. boohoo.

Did I hear it right? The road intended for less travel is currently under construction? And that just means I HAVE TO LEAVE HOME EARLIER so that I would reach my school in time! No offense but you see, it would cost me more time, more walks, more waiting in line and more money! x(

Talk about new school year. I think I have to get used to it. Good thing I have new classmates and old friends to accompany me through the whole semester - or maybe even TILL I GRADUATE!

yes, we are now under Block Sections. The worse part is, we are sectioned accordingly - and to be specific, alphabetically according to our school surnames! :(

kadayaan ng Zaido, “Click”, mga mata ko…at si God.

Zaido, yung pinaka-bagong kinaaabangan [raw] sa evening shows ng GMA, ay nagshooting kamakailan lang ng mga eksenag matatagpuan sa munisipyo at kabahayan… sa amin banda yun. Siyempre, kapag may shooting, maraming artista..at ang mga taong sabik sa artista [tulad ko] ay ginugustong makapunta sa site. Hehe. Tapos, dumating pa noon yung mga kaklase ko…gawa ng documentary na sinusumpa ko… Habang gumagawa pala kami overnight noong octover 19, nag-shooting pa pala sa mas malapit na lugar sa amin ang mga tao. Kaasar. Sayang. T_T

Yung sa Click naman, napanood ko yun kagabi sa HBO.. T_T [pero, mas appropriate pala na kaninang umaga].. Tapos, ayun, hagulgol na ako. T_T kasi naman..ganon pala ka-precious yung time. I mean, alam mo yun.. Masaya nga na mangyari na agad ang mga bagay sa future, pero, ang laki rin pala ng mami-miss mo kung hindi mo na-savor yung every moment…and these are what made me cry…[xc]

• • Teenager na pala yung mga anak niya
• • Patay na pala yung aso nila
• • Napahiwalay na pala siya ng tirahan sa pamilya niya
• • Naghiwalay na pala sila ng asawang mahal na mahal niya
• • Patay na pala yung ama niya
• • Kinasal na pala yung anak niya

Basta, napaka-drama. :(

Tapos, ganon yung feeling ko rin towards God. I mean, mamamatay na pala ako, hindi pa pala ako nakakapag-express ng love sa Kanya.. as in yung baptism and everything.. hindi ko man lang nagawang worthwhile yung buhay ko para sa Kanya… Basta. Ganong ka-dramahan. Hehe.

Tapos, andami kong naalala.napakayakap ako sa mommy at sa kapatid ko… nakapagpa-ring rin ako ng cp ng … ko.

Yung sa mata pala..ayun. kawawa na yung mga mata ko.. kasi, dikit na nga siya sa pc screen ko, tapos, nababasa-basa pa ng mga luha. pasma na sila. mabubulag na ako! T_T

joke lang. XD

unhappy.

I’ve been reviewing like crazy, but still, I find time for myself.
To devote myself to God.
To have some yakking with my friend.
To contribute to my household some chores.
And to have some time for him.

I have long logged into my account for instant messaging.
I have waited for him to login to his, too.
I have made myself ready to have long times talking to someone I miss.
But then, he just made me review again.

And so, I am depressed.
I am desperate.
I am unhappy.
I am miserable.
I am gloomy.

Can you blame me?

desperate. rants.

wala lang. hindi ko lang alam kung bakit ganito...May 15, 2007 ata ang dahilan.

i think, the only thing that keeps me going, for now, is the fun fact that i've got real friends.. a supporting ..[arnie]?

anlungkot ko kanina, as in nung inumpisahan ko siya e. tapos, ngayon.. edit2,.. haha.pero, ewan, yun nga.

as i look back, katulad kanina..i remember someone joking about admiring me. haaay nakooo... pero, ewan, it gives me flutterbies. haha

anyway, i'm currently watching The Correspondents. andon si Mikaela Fudolig, and she said something like "meron akong kakilala na matalino, pero, dahil restricted yung curriculum nila, they don't go beyond"...meron din daw siyang mga kakilala na tinatamad na mula sa kanilang katalinuhan, kaya hindi nalilinang...

ngayong teacher na siya, gusto raw sana niyang i-educate yung mga tao.. sayang raw kasi ang mga bagay2...

haay, siya na ang Summa cum laude.. 1.099 ang average? kamusta ka? T_T

"Only 16 years old, Fudolig is the youngest student to be graduated by the University in the recent years and one of only two admitted to UPD without a high school diploma and without taking the UP College Admission Test. She was only 11 years old and a sophomore at the Quezon City Science High School when she was granted permission to enroll at UPD as a non-degree student, having volunteered for a prototype Early College Placement Program the UPD College of Education was spearheading. After earning remarkable grades for an academic year, the Department of Education (DepEd) endorsed her admission to UPD, which was approved by the UP Board of Regents on May 30, 2003."

-----naalala ko lang yung sabi ni **. la lang. school nila yun e. quesci... tapos, ngayon, naunahan pa siya maka-graduate ng college. hehe.. XP

anyway, balik sa The Correspondents.. andami ngang pinagdaraanan ng Gifted Child. la lang.. nagfee-feeling ako. haha. there's something going on inside me. nyek.

bakit ganon? si Shaira Luna, inggit ako sa kanya noon e.. galing kasi.. tapos, ngayon, photographer na siya.. maganda naman.. gusto ko rin sa De La Salle University. hehe. tapos, photography.. nakita ko yung mga pose na pinapagawa niya sa mga clients niya,, wala lang.. prang ang gaganda.. tapos, yun nga raw, prang, she let go the memory of the past.. ngayon lang daw siya prang nagiging bata.. o.o

haay. dahil sa kapapanood ko, kung ano2 na naman pumapasok sa isip ko.. haay.

take me somewhere else, PLEASE!!

i'm hating my school, really.

it only makes me sick of it. grabe.

with almost no classes, and with corny subjects..

i'm still wishing that i'd be at highschool, with my long-time friends.. with great, active and enthusiastic teachers on subjects that MATTER---unlike everywhere else...-.-

i've been really troubled with my sleeping, especially last night. i woke up at around 2am and haven't got back up to my sleep until around 4am. then, i had to wake up at 5am... so, in short, i hardly got to sleep.

when i did get to my school, i was horrified to know that there were no classes at all! the worst part is that we had to stay at school, because it was not officially announced. we had to stay until the whole day's dismissal, not knowing ALL of them won't attend our class.

so much for the "early-to-school" drama.

P.S.

a text from someone in the past.

"no love can hurt as much as the love that can never be.. And no thoughts can hurt as much as the thoughts of a love that could have been.."

random thoughts:

~~~~~~~bakit andaming nag-aadd sa friendster, kahit na friends ko lang ang kilala talaga nila?
~~~~~~~bakit ang hirap magplano ng isang date?
~~~~~~~bakit andaming late na kung mag-"care"?
~~~~~~~bakit ang hirap magbigay ng regalo sa lalake?
~~~~~~~bakit kelangan ko mag-nursing?
~~~~~~~bakit ngayon ko lang nakita yung sa STFAP ko?
~~~~~~~bakit ayaw nila asikasuhin yun?
~~~~~~~bakit ang pangit ng sistema sa pilipinas?
~~~~~~~bakit ang "ex" [???] ko, ambata na ng gf ngayon?
~~~~~~~bakit may debut pa ang mga lalake, wala namang handaan?