.....O_O

Cindy, Zaida and Chelcy (who was having her 13th birthday today) went here just this afternoon to spend some time with each other. Unfortunately, my mom and I have been at Crossing to run some errands. Our trip also included having to spree around the city and do some on-the-list shopping with my mom, with the addition of many other things unconsciously bought. XD

Pizza, which they themselves bought at the local pizza parlor, was served together with milkshakes they bought on their own. My mom and I had loathed Cindy since she did not gave us time to prepare for her visitors. Instead, I found my mom cook lunch for us [at around 3pm!]

Yesterday was Nicher's (arnie's nephew from his cousin) first birthday. I was invited, but I did not come since my classes ended at 7 pm already! I would have loved to come lest he fetched me (haha) because my mom also wanted me to come for the food. hahaha, talk about eating! XD

About school, I was so stupid to inform Jam about ____'s plan to leave. Why? Maybe I was so stricken with grief since I found out that ____ would leave in the near future also! XC Like, it's the nth news I heard about leaving school and transferring to other place and continue studying in that place! It's not that I want them to have a hard time to leave, but of course, who would want to be away from your close friends! Those whom you already considered as part of your life( and things of the same context)...

I was back! XD

Yes, it had been long since I haven't got back to LB, with my friends. I think the last time was June 9 because we actually planned something in such a short notice, I might say. :)

Anyway, it has been one heck of a day since I actually got up from bed at around 11 am, and therefore did things later than the appointed time... I have even missed out on doing actual things lately. Too lazy to do them, but I am having a hard time coping up to my daily deeds...

And yes, I was back at LB just this afternoon, with my mom, who's the reason why I was able to go. Though my original plan was to spend time with my friends and do stuff like photocopying of our topic [it's way cheaper in LB maybe because there are so many competitors] but I missed out on doing it [like I said earlier] because I didn't know what topics to photocopy...whatever.

In our rented place for the business orientation my mom and I have getting ourselves into, I saw Cathy, Abbie and Claire in one of the tables and they decided to leave promptly after seeing me, HOW RUDE! Unlike Sijey and Jhezer who aren't actually the people I am most expecting to come with me, they are better friends, when it comes to these situations, than those I already had.

Can I just say I am thankful because they have participated openly and not just like others who left without any reason at all. And are they really what you call friends? Not for me.

You see, it was only my first time to actually personally talk with Jhezer, who was not even from my high school. He is from MSI, and whose clique is one of my former fans. I think, and honestly, he was also crushing on me from my high school! hahaha... XD and i'm like Polly. XD It felt like I have been passed down from bro to bro with Lemuel, Carmichael, Alec, Dan and Jhezer within their circle of friends because all of them shared a common factor. O.o

Cesar Ramirez, on the other hand, is just plain friendly + PG. if you know what I mean. ;) And he has shown up his support just for the sake of food. XD okay, so I'm acting rude. But really, it's sentimentally heartwarming that he showed up for my invitation even if we're not CLOSE.. we don't even talk at school! haha..

Still, I had a great time...Though I was not able to finish my Philo powerpoint, I hadn't photocopied my Filipino lectures and didn't see my friends. haha. [whatever.]

I'm so happy, I am already watching GG's episode 14! I have finished 4 episodes last night, would you believe?! Talk about addiction!

Did I hear it right? The road intended for less travel is currently under construction? And that just means I HAVE TO LEAVE HOME EARLIER so that I would reach my school in time! No offense but you see, it would cost me more time, more walks, more waiting in line and more money! x(

Talk about new school year. I think I have to get used to it. Good thing I have new classmates and old friends to accompany me through the whole semester - or maybe even TILL I GRADUATE!

yes, we are now under Block Sections. The worse part is, we are sectioned accordingly - and to be specific, alphabetically according to our school surnames! :(

vacation countdown...

After almost two months of not being able to see nor feel the likes of my College school, I have been in it again just this early morning to enroll for my Second Year classes. There were many people already so I think there would be long lines for payments and registrations and all --- and I was right.

Anyway, early birds included Jam (whom I really miss), Marie (whom I really look upon to! She got 1.28 for her average last semester..-_-), Dahreen (a friend who earns a lot this summer), Evon (a seatmate during Filipino class), Sheryl and Lea (my group mates for our NSTP class) and many others.

I think that I actually missed them. haha. who wouldn't? I miss the times that we were united by a passion not to attend a class of a boring teacher and to do a project hastily. -_- The coming year would not be the same for us because we will be all separated by the alphabetical listing of sections.. *sigh*

Well at least, the latecomer, JR who's one of my close friends during my early times in our school is again one of my future classmates and I hope that we can share a bond that is for us, just like the old times. Nesty, Jopo and Jam, our other close friends will never again be our classmates again. T_T

two years and a day..

so, it was two years. since i guaranteed someone to keep him for myself...and it ended up within 6 months. sad, but true.

well, actually, it wasn't really a real and serious oath, for i was still so young.. though, i wanted to keep it, things really do change, and for me, it happened all so fast.

regrets doesn't happen in this side of my life anyway, though, it disturbs just a LITTLE bit. you know what I mean...i'm happy with whom i am with anyway...;)

recently, we're having this short conversations. [really. short. concise. to the point.] the casual talk is always about, guess what?, UPM...until these words sprang up. "stop chasing other's dreams."

I do have mine, yet, what do you suppose i SHOULD do?? i can never bring my dream back to life again. i left it since i last cried on it...waaah! basta. hindi na ako pwedeng bumalik don. bakit? pag-aaralin mo ba ako? T_T

14But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your hearts, don’t brag about being wise. That is the worst kind of lie. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and motivated by the Devil. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil. ----james 3:14-16

and so, it happened.well, anyway. back to the topic.

nagtext siya, kung tanda ko pa raw ba yung notebook? [trivia. first gift yun na nagtatagal kung saan nakalista ang tracklist ng pinakaunang compilation ng mga dedicated na kanta para sa akin..at take note. meron pang tig-isang tula ang mga kantang iyon. haha...*nauna kasing natanggap ko na galing sa kanya ay LOAD. haha. lolz.*]

i looked for the notebook. i was told by someone else that his heart still shouts every word from that gift...then, he also mentioned the song "tensionado"...[actually,i never liked that song. haha, peace.]

first love.

i just thought of it a while ago, while we were on the bus ride home. it was, as always--during sundays when people around me gather up and say, "hindi ka tutuloy sa UP? sayang yun, BioChem!"

well, anyway, i have seen it all again unto me, but of course, in a whole new instance. as the heading implies, well, i have associated myself with someone lamenting over his/her first love.

i remember myself crying every night, as if i have lost some beloved fellow, and i always turn out waking up with chinky eyes...then, another mourning when nightfall comes.

such a way that lasted almost 6 months. well, at least, i got over that love by now... YET, another first love occurs. my love for UP. okay,so, i know that i'm totally overreacting, but you know, i just can't find a way to let it all out. i've been aspiring of this since i was younger...enough said.

nothing but hate.

hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin kaya. naiiyak ako...
naalala ko pa rin yung mga usapan namin noong highschool ako...
yung,kapag raw nakatapos ako ng biochemistry, ako na raw ang magiging druglord ng batch namin...yung, baka habang naglalakad ako sa daan papuntang Rob Manila, baka ma-discover daw ako...yung, baka maka-meet ako ng guy...may kotse rin...haha

naaalala ko pa, yung pag-iyak ng mga kaibigan ko sa akin... sa tuwing maiisip raw kasi nila ang graduation, ako lang ang naaalala nila... ako lang raw kasi ang mapapalayo, sila, magkakasama pa rin...tapos, yung plano rin na magpa-transfer na lang ako sa LB...para magkakasama pa rin kami...[abbie, if you're reading this, i can only say that i am still keeping that text.]

yung daddy ko.
namimiss ko siya. siya lang kasi ang naniniwala sa akin. siya lang ang may gusto na tumuloy ako. kaya lang, hindi ko naman kaya na maghirap siya at ang pamilya ko... buong sweldo na kasi ata niya yung malamang na makukuha ko kung nagkataon na tumuloy ako.

naalala ko rin yung noong grad...habang nasa bleachers ang parents at sister ko, tinext ko ang mommy at daddy ko ng "sorry, wala man lang akong medal na naiuwi para sa atin."
sabi naman ng daddy ko, "anak, no need to ask sorry. wala kang kasalanan. mas proud ako na naging anak kita at sapat na ang ikaw lang ang pumasa sa UP manila. mas proud ako don than medal..."

wala lang. si daddy rin yung nag-asikaso sa akin. i mean.. sabi niya, kung gusto ko raw,bakit nila ako ide-deprive...

wala lang. wala naman magagawa...hindi ko naman sinasabi na hanggang salita lang sila... wala lang. they made me expect everything.

the event of passing UP was the greatest in my life. inakala nilang matalino ako and everything, i have even mentioned the gift which pastor steve gave me,,,because, as he said, i worked hard these past few years of my highschool life.

nung kasal ni tita prose, may 25, kinamusta ni pastor rolly yung magiging buhay ko as college student sa manila.

ako:"hindi na po ako tutuloy e."
pastor rolly: "bakit?"
ako:"masyado pong masakit para pag-usapan...joke."
pastor rolly: "e,bakit nga? hindi ko alam yun,a?"
ako:"ganon po e..."
pastor rolly: "o,sige. kausapin ko na lang ang mommy mo."

tapos,kinabukasan, narinig ko na lang sa pag-uusap ng mommy ko at ng mga friends niya, yun nga. kinausap nga raw siya ni pastor..HINAYANG nga raw na HINAYANG e...

wala lang. sayang naman, hindi pa rin niya na-convince si mommy...

si tito dennis din...
"sayang yun! ang hirap kayang makapasa sa course na yon!"

[paulit-ulit yan. kaya. iyak na rin ako ng iyak]

alam niyo yung commercial sa knorr? yung, "pa-MANILA na siya..."

wala lang. I HATE IT. ako sana yun.

bakit ang hirap kalimutan....

ng UP?

habang naririnig ko yung kanta ng Paramore na Let This Go, lalo akong nababaon sa emotional depression. I hunger for the opportunities that I might have missed because of deferring my slot.

wala lang.basta. ang hirap. everything about UP makes me cry. it makes me want to give up. bakit ganon? T_T

bakit ako pa ang nabiktima? marami naman na ang nursing a? bakit kelangan ko pa makisama?T_T

for once in my life, i have felt like i was as bright as those whom i only got to see. wala lang. lagi silang, "ang galing mo naman,. kaw na UPM",,, mga ganon.. wala lang.. hindi ko pa kasi naranasang maituring na maging matalino e...at dahil lang don sa UP na marami ang nag-LOok up sa akin...wala lang..kaya, masyado akong nilunod ng pagiging iska. hindi ko man lang naranasang magsuot ng UPM tshirt tuwing thursday. makaranas ng NSTP sa diliman... maging isa sa mga taong nakikita ko dati sa loob ng PGH na kagalang-galang at palakad-lakad lang, habang may dala-dalang malalaki at makakapal na libro..ang mag-take part sa pag-search ng libro sa "lib.upm.edu.ph"

....

ang magsawa sa isang malaking mall sa loob ng isang sem. ang maging malapit sa national book store kung san pwede akong magbasa ng walang tigil.

hopefully, this won't be the last.

i actually think that i won't be having more of this blogging when i move to manila. i mean,i'd be far away from this pc, and there would be so much time that i need to dedicate to studying.

anyway, there are so many things that i would like to talk about.

i am now enrolled at UP Manila, yet i still cannot settle my account yet.

grabe naman kasi, ang mahal...hindi pa dala ni mommy yung pang-enroll ko...sabi ko kasi, dalhin na niya yung pang-enroll ko e. ayaw niyang maniwala na kailangan ay cash doon, at buo... waah!

andami ring pumapasok sa isip ko ngayon. katulad ng tungkol sa edukasyon ko. gusto ko matapos ang kursong inumpisahan ko dito sa UPM... ayokong maging incompetent, at gusto kong mapakita sa mga tao na hindi lang ako sinwerte na makapasok sa UP, kung hindi dahil magaling ako... gusto kong makita nila yun sa akin... oo na, ako na ang hindi honor nung grad...

pero, pano ko magagawa yan, kung kakailanganin ko rin naman umalis para sa kagustuhan ng mga magulang ko na mag-nursing ako? pano naman ang dream school ko? another thing bothering me is that the cash that

my parents will be splurging on me

. every requirement that i need to pass, every schedule that i need to attend to... every time i have to go to Manila, that alone costs so much---for us. I feel guilty. la lang... sana, naging katulad na lang ako ng classmates ko na, kahit anong course ang gusto nila, ok lang sa parents nila na yun yung kunin nila...