desperate. rants.

wala lang. hindi ko lang alam kung bakit ganito...May 15, 2007 ata ang dahilan.

i think, the only thing that keeps me going, for now, is the fun fact that i've got real friends.. a supporting ..[arnie]?

anlungkot ko kanina, as in nung inumpisahan ko siya e. tapos, ngayon.. edit2,.. haha.pero, ewan, yun nga.

as i look back, katulad kanina..i remember someone joking about admiring me. haaay nakooo... pero, ewan, it gives me flutterbies. haha

anyway, i'm currently watching The Correspondents. andon si Mikaela Fudolig, and she said something like "meron akong kakilala na matalino, pero, dahil restricted yung curriculum nila, they don't go beyond"...meron din daw siyang mga kakilala na tinatamad na mula sa kanilang katalinuhan, kaya hindi nalilinang...

ngayong teacher na siya, gusto raw sana niyang i-educate yung mga tao.. sayang raw kasi ang mga bagay2...

haay, siya na ang Summa cum laude.. 1.099 ang average? kamusta ka? T_T

"Only 16 years old, Fudolig is the youngest student to be graduated by the University in the recent years and one of only two admitted to UPD without a high school diploma and without taking the UP College Admission Test. She was only 11 years old and a sophomore at the Quezon City Science High School when she was granted permission to enroll at UPD as a non-degree student, having volunteered for a prototype Early College Placement Program the UPD College of Education was spearheading. After earning remarkable grades for an academic year, the Department of Education (DepEd) endorsed her admission to UPD, which was approved by the UP Board of Regents on May 30, 2003."

-----naalala ko lang yung sabi ni **. la lang. school nila yun e. quesci... tapos, ngayon, naunahan pa siya maka-graduate ng college. hehe.. XP

anyway, balik sa The Correspondents.. andami ngang pinagdaraanan ng Gifted Child. la lang.. nagfee-feeling ako. haha. there's something going on inside me. nyek.

bakit ganon? si Shaira Luna, inggit ako sa kanya noon e.. galing kasi.. tapos, ngayon, photographer na siya.. maganda naman.. gusto ko rin sa De La Salle University. hehe. tapos, photography.. nakita ko yung mga pose na pinapagawa niya sa mga clients niya,, wala lang.. prang ang gaganda.. tapos, yun nga raw, prang, she let go the memory of the past.. ngayon lang daw siya prang nagiging bata.. o.o

haay. dahil sa kapapanood ko, kung ano2 na naman pumapasok sa isip ko.. haay.

katakot. T_T

pero, hahabaan ko na rin. andaming thoughts e... parang nasa highway... nagpapabilisan. [ok. corny.]

nway, kanina ay ang pinakaunang araw kung kailan bigla akong gininaw, nahilo at ang tiyan ay nakaramdam ng sakit.. hindi naman ako gutom, kasi, araw2 naman na akong ganon e.. o.o haay. nu kaya meron? Hyperacidity? T_T

dahil nga don. nag-skip ako ng class.. hindi ako umattend sa last class ko for the day [NSTP] kung saan, perfect si Nestydel Rozon. [naks! special mention.. ;)] ilan kaya ako don? T_T haha..

ang sweet pa man din ng mga pangyayari [joke.:D] kanina, kasi, nasa gitna ako ng 2 cute [daw] from the class. e, mejo ka-close ko rin kasi. haha. masipag sila mag-aral e. so,dikit ako,, pra mahawaan. haha.. ;) [ako nga pala ang highest sa english. 46/50. nyek.]

tapos, pagkauwi ko, napagalitan pa ako! pano ba naman kasi, baka raw mas masama yung mangyari sa akin.. pano raw kung sa daan pa ko mahilo.. or something.. T_T

buti naman at iningatan ako ni God.. saka, medyo ayos na ako ngayon.. i hope so. :D

NAKAKATAKOT NA PART:

[kaya ako nakapag-post ng ganito.. T_T] meron daw kasing kumakalat na balita, dito sa Calamba... kwento na nag-alarma sa lahat ng schools sa paligid... T_T here it goes... just recently, July 13, 07.. merong 2 3rd yr hs from Calamba Institute na naglalakad pauwi---sa tabi ng national road.. tapos, biglang merong isang van na tumigil at kumuha sa kanila... :( sinuntok pa nga raw yung tiyan nung isa, kasi nagpumiglas siya... dahil pinilit silang pumasok sa loob ng van, nakita nila ang iba pang mga estudyanteng kapwa highschool---mga nanghihina... meron daw isang galing sa St. Benilde Int'l School at isang galing rin sa Barretto [tamang spelling ba?] National High School [dito lang yun sa calamba..private at public schools, respectively.] e, habang traffic sa kanto ng national road, don sa intersection ng pa-manila at pa-south, naglakas-loob yung taga-Calamba Institute---yung hindi nasuntok sa tiyan---na tumakas... nakalabas naman silang magkasama, tapos, bigla raw nagsisigaw... e, dahil nga intersection yun, with traffic lights and policemen, biglang nag-speed up yung van, kaya harurot daw yung van.. kaya hindi nahabol ng pulis... T_T at kanina nga raw, almost 1 week after what happened, pumasok na yung student.. tapos, yun.. pinaalam na sa mga schools dito sa calamba... [though, nalaman ko lang ito sa kapatid kong grade 6... haay.. gusto kong mag-service ulit! T_T] waaah...

happy. :x

well, who wouldn't bE? after seeing your 'significant other', won't you be in such a bliss? just a look upon his eyes brings you so much joy for having him, and what more, if you're with him, and you're in your own world?

ok, so, i admit it. i'm not good at making people feel so much emotions with my writing unlike almost all people...

but,at least, most of you know what i mean... right?

anyway, tomorrow will be the premiere of the latest Harry Potter movie,..it's a good thing that i was invited to watch it...with most of my new close friends... ;) [though, we all know that preliminary exams are due next week---most especially the scrapbook...T_T]

quick post lang..

quick post lang. :D

mag-aaral pa sa gestalt and existential psychology. hindi ko ata maintindihan e... o, magfee-feeling lang ako mag-aral? haha. joke.

anyway,katakawan ko kasi kaninang lunch e. natatawa ako. sa Jollibee kami kumain ni mommy---tamad kasi magluto for lunch. [tapos, nung dinner, ako nag-guisa ng corned beef! yey, marunong na ako..! ]

tapos, yun nga. hindi kasi ako makapaniwalang ito mga kinain ko:
** crispy chicken burger
** regular fries
** large drinks
** brownie fudge [tama ba?] na sundae
** nacho fries

yun, tinulungan naman ako ni mommy..pero, grabe! busog na busog ako.. waah! antakaw ko na..

at last. :D

after many months of idling around, at last, i have managed to finish "life guide...", a short story published in candymag's teentalk!

teehee...XD

unsophisticated and corny as i am, i have been smiling my heart out----haha, ang corny. tagalog na nga lang..O.o

bsta. hehe. kinikilig ako sa mga ka-corny-han ng mga bagay2.. wah! natatawa ako sa sarili ko..kasi naman, ako lang mag-isa kinikilig, tumatawa...kamusta naman,db? haha...

haay. as of now, i can only say that i'm really wanting to be with him. wah. i can't even send him a message.. i've got no prepaid load, and he's not available online...oh no.

take me somewhere else, PLEASE!!

i'm hating my school, really.

it only makes me sick of it. grabe.

with almost no classes, and with corny subjects..

i'm still wishing that i'd be at highschool, with my long-time friends.. with great, active and enthusiastic teachers on subjects that MATTER---unlike everywhere else...-.-

i've been really troubled with my sleeping, especially last night. i woke up at around 2am and haven't got back up to my sleep until around 4am. then, i had to wake up at 5am... so, in short, i hardly got to sleep.

when i did get to my school, i was horrified to know that there were no classes at all! the worst part is that we had to stay at school, because it was not officially announced. we had to stay until the whole day's dismissal, not knowing ALL of them won't attend our class.

so much for the "early-to-school" drama.

P.S.

a text from someone in the past.

"no love can hurt as much as the love that can never be.. And no thoughts can hurt as much as the thoughts of a love that could have been.."

random thoughts:

~~~~~~~bakit andaming nag-aadd sa friendster, kahit na friends ko lang ang kilala talaga nila?
~~~~~~~bakit ang hirap magplano ng isang date?
~~~~~~~bakit andaming late na kung mag-"care"?
~~~~~~~bakit ang hirap magbigay ng regalo sa lalake?
~~~~~~~bakit kelangan ko mag-nursing?
~~~~~~~bakit ngayon ko lang nakita yung sa STFAP ko?
~~~~~~~bakit ayaw nila asikasuhin yun?
~~~~~~~bakit ang pangit ng sistema sa pilipinas?
~~~~~~~bakit ang "ex" [???] ko, ambata na ng gf ngayon?
~~~~~~~bakit may debut pa ang mga lalake, wala namang handaan?

college na ako.

haay. i can only think of what my life could have been---sa UP... though,i can say, ok na rin. i've got lots of friends now in LIT... only thing that makes me wonder is the fact that there are actually people who were from such different, not to mention distant, places. i mean, i almost felt that i am in UP.. haha..

peace. it was because there are those who really are from palawan, paete, san pablo, sta.rosa.. really funny.. also, there was Rio, the girl whom almost everybody from my class talks about because of having someone...haha..if you know what i mean..XD

anyway, this day only brought about 2 hours of having proffesors in front of us. i mean, why did they waste my time? why do we have to attend our first day in almost 5 hours when all we have to do were only introductions to each other...

anyway, there were GOLDEN foods, i mean, hello! why do they have to be so expensive? O.o if i were in manila, maybe, i could accept that fact---but hello?! laguna lang to, haha. probinsya. bakit ang mahal? O.o

it was a good thing having jerick around..;) he treated us [me???] with a bunch of choco crinkles [yum2! :D] and also the fare back home... such a great guy..;) jerick was my first suitor in highschool...[old romance? lol.]

anyway, i'm REALLY eager for our jaunt to Makati, where i grew up! ;) we'd be going to The Fort, Greenbelt and somewhere else. hihi... i'm always loving the Urban life...XD malls, oh, malls.. why do i have to be away from you...?

if i were to study in UPM, one thing that i would really like to be doing is wander around Rob Manila... haay... shattered dreamS...

ORIENTATION.

grABe, kamusta naman..? 8.30-4 pm kami sa school..waah! antgal..orientation lang naman ang ginawa..O.o haay.sabi na,waste of time lang yun e...T_T

waah..anyway, i was there with friends whom i weren't close with for a long time---until this day came.;) hehe..

andaming nursing sa school ko. haay. andaming competitors sa mga bagay2..sana, i'll achieve my goal this time. i want to graduate with flying colors... i don't want to disappoint everyone anyway..

haay. ito na naman ako,nangangarap. i hate it this way, lagi na lang kasing heartbreak ang bagsak ko. as usual.

two years and a day..

so, it was two years. since i guaranteed someone to keep him for myself...and it ended up within 6 months. sad, but true.

well, actually, it wasn't really a real and serious oath, for i was still so young.. though, i wanted to keep it, things really do change, and for me, it happened all so fast.

regrets doesn't happen in this side of my life anyway, though, it disturbs just a LITTLE bit. you know what I mean...i'm happy with whom i am with anyway...;)

recently, we're having this short conversations. [really. short. concise. to the point.] the casual talk is always about, guess what?, UPM...until these words sprang up. "stop chasing other's dreams."

I do have mine, yet, what do you suppose i SHOULD do?? i can never bring my dream back to life again. i left it since i last cried on it...waaah! basta. hindi na ako pwedeng bumalik don. bakit? pag-aaralin mo ba ako? T_T

14But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your hearts, don’t brag about being wise. That is the worst kind of lie. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and motivated by the Devil. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil. ----james 3:14-16

and so, it happened.well, anyway. back to the topic.

nagtext siya, kung tanda ko pa raw ba yung notebook? [trivia. first gift yun na nagtatagal kung saan nakalista ang tracklist ng pinakaunang compilation ng mga dedicated na kanta para sa akin..at take note. meron pang tig-isang tula ang mga kantang iyon. haha...*nauna kasing natanggap ko na galing sa kanya ay LOAD. haha. lolz.*]

i looked for the notebook. i was told by someone else that his heart still shouts every word from that gift...then, he also mentioned the song "tensionado"...[actually,i never liked that song. haha, peace.]