▸ A Slap in the Face ... ♬
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
If you would ask me how I feel right now in this current job function I have, I would need to be honest with you.
I am not happy.
In fact, I am disappointed, or should I say, I feel degraded.
Instead of feeling empowered, or accomplished, that someone like me who's in my first overseas job and just a few months before my first year here in Dubai, I feel like I am abused yet neglected. I feel abused because people who are with the same job function with me are with better compensation, greater benefits and less stress. I do some of the manager's function, and what? I'm just compensated with his housing allowance, or maybe not even close. My healthcard is downgraded to a meager amount that I shouldn't be using it at all.
I know I don't have that enough experience compared with them, but why do they keep delegating tasks more than I should have been receiving? Why should I keep two functions with me when it is clearly stated that I should be with this other department now?
If you are in UAE, please help me land at least a Free Zone job. Pleaseeee :(
Labels: depression, mistake, stress, work
▸ holding back. ... ♬
Friday, February 08, 2013
Been trying to ward off any feeling that reminds me of all the previous experiences in the past couple of months. It's of course a lot different from what I used to enjoy.
However, there are really just some things worth keeping to yourself.
▸ so you wouldn't wonder why. ... ♬
Friday, October 26, 2012
It all happened once in an August afternoon...
It's one song and it changed everything.
It was quiet then, when I heard it very clearly. My mind froze, my heart beat drastically, my vision dimmed and I just knew it was the wrong decision., that I was in a wrong place, and I can still turn back --- just when I thought I was happy and that everything was going smooth...
I turned back and it was good.
I couldn't care less but it won't be a mistake turning back.
All because of that one song.
Labels: mistake, turn it back
▸ Waiting is really such a big turnoff. ... ♬
Saturday, January 28, 2012
I feel bad for my childhood friend (or friend since childhood?) for having to talk to her husband only through the internet despite the fact that, contrary to my own situation, he is a bus ride away, I think. She has to cry and spill tears and use up tissue, when she has a shoulder whom she should be doing those things to. What's the point of being married in that situation anyway?
Lately, I have been daydreaming immensely on weddings, honeymoons, dream cars, dream houses and so on, but seeing her like that makes me want to ask why am I dreaming away? And that I should look beyond those tears and keep myself busy with dreaming because this is the prize of being able to wait... Waiting, in the time of the Lord, on His real blessed plan for us.
Which I have failed on another aspect. I am a nurse, at least, by the card but not yet in my (coming) work. I have been too anxious for 4 months after my board exam, with everyone else asking about me and my current employment status, and worse, my family's financial aspect. I was offered job after job not related to my course... but hey, I thought, if I will be working for something I wasn't prepared for, why not go for something which offers best? I grabbed the opportunity and in less than a week, I was summoned for interview schedules in a hospital.
And another hospital after 1 month.
Labels: frustrations T_T, nursing
▸ He Went His Way to His Dreams... ... ♬
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I woke up at the crack of dawn, still dazed from a 4-hour sleep, with eyes still visibly swollen after applying an eye cream, struggling to arise and look forward to the day ahead. Well, today, I shall again come to NAIA and say my goodbyes to a loved one. It's not the first time that I say goodbye to someone and lose him or her to other countries, but today, I think my heart went out flying too.
It was the familiar company of his family - his mom, dad, aunt, cousin, and nephew - were with us on our way to the departure gate of the airport. They were busy retelling stories of old from what they have missed from each other since they left; on the other hand, we were quite drowsy from our one-day marathon of our effort to be dauntless before our parting. I just couldn't believe that it was just last night that we have managed to do something we have long hoped for in years.
We were out last night, crossing out together things from his checklist, like buying personal stuff he's supposed to have yet still unavailable. He also succeeded to make me try out this cool new restaurant that's been recently looming out from everywhere, and much to our surprise, we were treated like VIPs. (Maybe it was because we were from Vigan #matching shirts) It was my first time, it was his nth.
It was also last night when we sneaked out to catch a glimpse of the so-called meteor shower, only to find out that a.) it was VERY cloudy and b.) it was starting to rain and C.) It was our first time just lying around under the night sky... It was very rewarding to just lie there among the grass, with a song you both know is very appropriate to what you two were having just right there. We started singing... my tears are already shedding out... then it started to rain.
All those farewells from the night and days before, made me realize it's all coming down to this day. But what tugged from my heartstrings were the words, "sabi mo kasi re-review-hin kita e..." (His answer when asked "Bakit nga naghintay ka pa ng 4 years bago ka nag-abroad?") and it was true, I said that while he was still reviewing for his own board exam, and I was still in high school...
Today, I just chose to start my day with ambivalence; the feeling of both a daydream and a nightmare. I knew that this day would come, a nightmare that we'll have to part from each other; but at the same time, dream of the future that this will soon be over and we'll then be hand in hand again.
▸ It's one of those days again. ... ♬
Thursday, November 25, 2010
It's one of those days again... when I look in the mirror, grief-stricken tears rolling on my cheeks, weakened by an hour of weeping and asking myself: "Why?"
Why did I consent to a lifelong commitment with the things I don't have compassion about when it is what all it needs: compassion, caring, service, ....? I knew I'd come to this point from the time I have decided to let my parents decide for my life. I knew back then that someday would come when I blame that day when I gave them my "fine".
"Fine" - fine that I'll do it for them. Fine that I'll spent 6 years of my life, at least, pleasing them and making me feel good for the benefits that someday I'll end up getting. But you know what?
Mom, Dad. I'm tired. I can't satisfy your vision for me anymore.
The pathway you chose for me just can't lead me back to happiness that I should be having right now. You're not the ones who end up having 2 hours sleep to study. You're not the one being ....
Labels: frustrations T_T
▸ Fashion Ambassador :3 ... ♬
Friday, November 12, 2010
I've just read from Tricia's and Domz's sites that they are now officially the ambassadors for Fashion 21, one of the biggest names in the fashion industry taking over the Philippines, and well. What can I say? Of course, I'm jealous T_T
▸ hey! ... ♬
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I had just put up a new site with wordpress, but hosted by Sis Anne of Pinkfab.info. Still updating it and all :) I just need to do so for the mean time. still keeping this blog friends! ;)
Labels: addiction, hope, wordpress
▸ Second to the Last Semester :) ... ♬
Monday, November 08, 2010
gradeslip says, "hi world!"
I got my gradeslip today, at around 14:21, claimed with an "I-just-got-out-from-the-laundry" test permit (because my mom dumped my bag on the laundry trying to get it cleaned up --which I eventually did), with at least 5 clinical instructors watching me hand it out to the administrator of the grade slips.
Funnier thing during that moment was , my friend has left his test permit again! :p first was during the signing of clearance/issuance of finals stamp.
I was so disappointed with myself, for not fighting for at least some point higher grade... a Full Scholarship requirement is a grade not lower than 1.75 and an average of not lower than 1.50.
To think of it, a "0.08" point difference from that cutoff would cost me about, say, P22,000. Imagine what I could have done with that money. It's enough to pay for a review center in preparation for the Nursing Licensure Exams! o_o
Labels: college, frustrations T_T, hate, money
▸ Sembreak 2010 ~ my last :3 ... ♬
Sunday, November 07, 2010
So yesterday, we went up hiking towards the National Arts Center founded on the heart of Mount Makiling, Los Baños, Laguna. :) It was such a sunny-cloudy-turned-drizzly day (if there's such a thing), which made it best for hiking since the humidity balance in the air did not really matter much, in contrast with the temperature and all during the summer.
We were all there: Jec, Haze, Pat, Arn and Moi :) about 2 hours later than the posted time, we were starting our trek to the top. I loved how there were 2 DSLR cameras available for photography *thinking I could be one of the subjects :p and hurrying on our way because last time Arnie and I were about to hike at the same site, closing time just hit the clock. :3
it was a tiring 1.5 hour climb to the top, with ups and downs, as usual. then there were those other spectators of the mountaintop view. If I haven't paid attention, I then should have known that:
- they were on their way upwards while we were starting uphill
- they were those same guys who were about to descent just about when we were on our 750 meter distance away from the scene
totally uncool. 8(
at least we got beautiful photos! XD
thanks kuya pat! ;)
Labels: cool, happy^^, hiking, sembreak