Waiting is really such a big turnoff.

I feel bad for my childhood friend (or friend since childhood?) for having to talk to her husband only through the internet despite the fact that, contrary to my own situation, he is a bus ride away, I think. She has to cry and spill tears and use up tissue, when she has a shoulder whom she should be doing those things to. What's the point of being married in that situation anyway?

Lately, I have been daydreaming immensely on weddings, honeymoons, dream cars, dream houses and so on, but seeing her like that makes me want to ask why am I dreaming away? And that I should look beyond those tears and keep myself busy with dreaming because this is the prize of being able to wait... Waiting, in the time of the Lord, on His real blessed plan for us.

Which I have failed on another aspect. I am a nurse, at least, by the card but not yet in my (coming) work. I have been too anxious for 4 months after my board exam, with everyone else asking about me and my current employment status, and worse, my family's financial aspect. I was offered job after job not related to my course... but hey, I thought, if I will be working for something I wasn't prepared for, why not go for something which offers best? I grabbed the opportunity and in less than a week, I was summoned for interview schedules in a hospital.

And another hospital after 1 month.

He Went His Way to His Dreams...

I woke up at the crack of dawn, still dazed from a 4-hour sleep, with eyes still visibly swollen after applying an eye cream, struggling to arise and look forward to the day ahead. Well, today, I shall again come to NAIA and say my goodbyes to a loved one. It's not the first time that I say goodbye to someone and lose him or her to other countries, but today, I think my heart went out flying too.


It was the familiar company of his family - his mom, dad, aunt, cousin, and nephew - were with us on our way to the departure gate of the airport. They were busy retelling stories of old from what they have missed from each other since they left; on the other hand, we were quite drowsy from our one-day marathon of our effort to be dauntless before our parting. I just couldn't believe that it was just last night that we have managed to do something we have long hoped for in years.


We were out last night, crossing out together things from his checklist, like buying personal stuff he's supposed to have yet still unavailable. He also succeeded to make me try out this cool new restaurant that's been recently looming out from everywhere, and much to our surprise, we were treated like VIPs. (Maybe it was because we were from Vigan #matching shirts) It was my first time, it was his nth. 


It was also last night when we sneaked out to catch a glimpse of the so-called meteor shower, only to find out that a.) it was VERY cloudy and b.) it was starting to rain and C.) It was our first time just lying around under the night sky... It was very rewarding to just lie there among the grass, with a song you both know is very appropriate to what you two were having just right there. We started singing...  my tears are already shedding out... then it started to rain. 

All those farewells from the night and days before, made me realize it's all coming down to this day. But what tugged from my heartstrings were the words, "sabi mo kasi re-review-hin kita e..." (His answer when asked "Bakit nga naghintay ka pa ng 4 years bago ka nag-abroad?") and it was true, I said that while he was still reviewing for his own board exam, and I was still in high school...

Today, I just chose to start my day with ambivalence; the feeling of both a daydream and a nightmare. I knew that this day would come, a nightmare that we'll have to part from each other; but at the same time, dream of the future that this will soon be over and we'll then be hand in hand again.

It's one of those days again.

It's one of those days again... when I look in the mirror, grief-stricken tears rolling on my cheeks, weakened by an hour of weeping and asking myself: "Why?"


Why did I consent to a lifelong commitment with the things I don't have compassion about when it is what all it needs: compassion, caring, service, ....? I knew I'd come to this point from the time I have decided to let my parents decide for my life. I knew back then that someday would come when I blame that day when I gave them my "fine".


"Fine" - fine that I'll do it for them. Fine that I'll spent 6 years of my life, at least, pleasing them and making me feel good for the benefits that someday I'll end up getting. But you know what?


Mom, Dad. I'm tired. I can't satisfy your vision for me anymore. 


The pathway you chose for me just can't lead me back to happiness that I should be having right now. You're not the ones who end up having 2 hours sleep to study. You're not the one being ....




*turns lazy*

Fashion Ambassador :3

I've just read from Tricia's and Domz's sites that they are now officially the ambassadors for Fashion 21, one of the biggest names in the fashion industry taking over the Philippines, and well. What can I say? Of course, I'm jealous T_T

hey!

I had just put up a new site with wordpress, but hosted by Sis Anne of Pinkfab.info. Still updating it and all :) I just need to do so for the mean time. still keeping this blog friends! ;)

Second to the Last Semester :)

gradeslip says, "hi world!"

hahaha

I got my gradeslip today, at around 14:21, claimed with an "I-just-got-out-from-the-laundry" test permit (because my mom dumped my bag on the laundry trying to get it cleaned up --which I eventually did), with at least 5 clinical instructors watching me hand it out to the administrator of the grade slips.

Funnier thing during that moment was , my friend has left his test permit again! :p first was during the signing of clearance/issuance of finals stamp.

I was so disappointed with myself, for not fighting for at least some point higher grade... a Full Scholarship requirement is a grade not lower than 1.75 and an average of not lower than 1.50.

To think of it, a "0.08" point difference from that cutoff would cost me about, say, P22,000. Imagine what I could have done with that money. It's enough to pay for a review center in preparation for the Nursing Licensure Exams! o_o

Sembreak 2010 ~ my last :3

So yesterday, we went up hiking towards the National Arts Center founded on the heart of Mount Makiling, Los Baños, Laguna. :) It was such a sunny-cloudy-turned-drizzly day (if there's such a thing), which made it best for hiking since the humidity balance in the air did not really matter much, in contrast with the temperature and all during the summer.

We were all there: Jec, Haze, Pat, Arn and Moi :) about 2 hours later than the posted time, we were starting our trek to the top. I loved how there were 2 DSLR cameras available for photography *thinking I could be one of the subjects :p and hurrying on our way because last time Arnie and I were about to hike at the same site, closing time just hit the clock. :3

it was a tiring 1.5 hour climb to the top, with ups and downs, as usual. then there were those other spectators of the mountaintop view. If I haven't paid attention, I then should have known that:

- they were on their way upwards while we were starting uphill

- they were those same guys who were about to descent just about when we were on our 750 meter distance away from the scene

totally uncool. 8(

at least we got beautiful photos! XD

thanks kuya pat! ;)

dear blog,

i really want to earn money right now. -.-

I think I was very productive yesterday :)

Yesterday, council mates JR and I had our own jaunt, if you may, in Manila... the thrill of being granted the chance of going out of town, without spending any money from your own pocket during schooldays! How I loved the concept. ;) Watching planes launching and landing gave me excitement, since I have always wanted to be an in-flight nurse, he wanted to be a pilot. Cooooool! ^^,

We were supposed to claim the pre-ordered plaques for the upcoming CAM (College of Allied Medicine) week, keenly searching for the store with the same address as with the given receipt, our only map.

Much to our surprise, the owner was not there, and he was actually already talking to one of the staff. We inquired about our orders, the phone guy requested for one of us and *wait for it* IT WAS NOT YET READY! After all the dusty, smoky traffic we have gotten ourselves into for an hour and a half, the stalking of a student whose school was supposed to be from across the street, the excitement of taking home the gold from the mine, *poof!* it burst my bubble.

So we had no choice left but to take responsibility of having another task: buying swim wear for the pageant's segment of showing off your body and having confidence on it. Of course, it was never a busy job. We wasted time scouting for shops nearby, and people were just directing us somewhere we were not looking for. Funny how we were instructed to find a certain place when it was actually what we skipped before heading somewhere else. XD

This is me, "trying out" the *gulps* one-piece bathing suit the contestants are about to wear, taking a photo for future reference :p We almost thought this moment would not arrive, since we only found the 90's type of bathing suit in the previous stalls we were in. And wow...how I wished I brought money for the trip. Everything on display was what my eyes were craving for. -.-

We were bargaining this violet suit for a lower price, which took a while, and when we finally decided on a price, that's when we knew that there was only 1 piece of the thing...and what? we needed 8 of the same kind!!!! -.-

.........

anyway, we headed back to school after a quick meal at the jeep, on the bus, after sleeping throughout the distance. 3 hours late! and I was assigned reporter for the day. how pathetic. -.-

I love my teacher for still allowing us to take part in her class that day *which was reportedly similar to a school program which began with our classmates singing The Prayer!!! :))))) funeeeh! XD

6 months and counting

A call last week has always been resounding in my mind thinking that I have to do something, well, heartbreaking for the most part. I know that all things shall not be final until every process is complete but who cares? everyone else is expecting to move forward and all.