what really happened.

haha.. katuwa.. i can still remember my first day..

pero, bakit ganon? gabi siya nagkaron. haha..

anyway,we went to greenhills yesterday where we found treasures. haha. ang tagal nga namin don e.. tapos, medyo naligaw pa kami sa Rob. haha. wala lang.

katamd..O.o

nag-unli nga pala ako...hehe...kkamiss rn pala magtx,,XP

ngaung gabi, meron ng Smart Bro sila arnie! daya..gusto ko rin..hehe.. chat kami..
haha..ang sya,,XP

nothing but hate.

hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin kaya. naiiyak ako...
naalala ko pa rin yung mga usapan namin noong highschool ako...
yung,kapag raw nakatapos ako ng biochemistry, ako na raw ang magiging druglord ng batch namin...yung, baka habang naglalakad ako sa daan papuntang Rob Manila, baka ma-discover daw ako...yung, baka maka-meet ako ng guy...may kotse rin...haha

naaalala ko pa, yung pag-iyak ng mga kaibigan ko sa akin... sa tuwing maiisip raw kasi nila ang graduation, ako lang ang naaalala nila... ako lang raw kasi ang mapapalayo, sila, magkakasama pa rin...tapos, yung plano rin na magpa-transfer na lang ako sa LB...para magkakasama pa rin kami...[abbie, if you're reading this, i can only say that i am still keeping that text.]

yung daddy ko.
namimiss ko siya. siya lang kasi ang naniniwala sa akin. siya lang ang may gusto na tumuloy ako. kaya lang, hindi ko naman kaya na maghirap siya at ang pamilya ko... buong sweldo na kasi ata niya yung malamang na makukuha ko kung nagkataon na tumuloy ako.

naalala ko rin yung noong grad...habang nasa bleachers ang parents at sister ko, tinext ko ang mommy at daddy ko ng "sorry, wala man lang akong medal na naiuwi para sa atin."
sabi naman ng daddy ko, "anak, no need to ask sorry. wala kang kasalanan. mas proud ako na naging anak kita at sapat na ang ikaw lang ang pumasa sa UP manila. mas proud ako don than medal..."

wala lang. si daddy rin yung nag-asikaso sa akin. i mean.. sabi niya, kung gusto ko raw,bakit nila ako ide-deprive...

wala lang. wala naman magagawa...hindi ko naman sinasabi na hanggang salita lang sila... wala lang. they made me expect everything.

the event of passing UP was the greatest in my life. inakala nilang matalino ako and everything, i have even mentioned the gift which pastor steve gave me,,,because, as he said, i worked hard these past few years of my highschool life.

nung kasal ni tita prose, may 25, kinamusta ni pastor rolly yung magiging buhay ko as college student sa manila.

ako:"hindi na po ako tutuloy e."
pastor rolly: "bakit?"
ako:"masyado pong masakit para pag-usapan...joke."
pastor rolly: "e,bakit nga? hindi ko alam yun,a?"
ako:"ganon po e..."
pastor rolly: "o,sige. kausapin ko na lang ang mommy mo."

tapos,kinabukasan, narinig ko na lang sa pag-uusap ng mommy ko at ng mga friends niya, yun nga. kinausap nga raw siya ni pastor..HINAYANG nga raw na HINAYANG e...

wala lang. sayang naman, hindi pa rin niya na-convince si mommy...

si tito dennis din...
"sayang yun! ang hirap kayang makapasa sa course na yon!"

[paulit-ulit yan. kaya. iyak na rin ako ng iyak]

alam niyo yung commercial sa knorr? yung, "pa-MANILA na siya..."

wala lang. I HATE IT. ako sana yun.

bakit ang hirap kalimutan....

ng UP?

habang naririnig ko yung kanta ng Paramore na Let This Go, lalo akong nababaon sa emotional depression. I hunger for the opportunities that I might have missed because of deferring my slot.

wala lang.basta. ang hirap. everything about UP makes me cry. it makes me want to give up. bakit ganon? T_T

bakit ako pa ang nabiktima? marami naman na ang nursing a? bakit kelangan ko pa makisama?T_T

for once in my life, i have felt like i was as bright as those whom i only got to see. wala lang. lagi silang, "ang galing mo naman,. kaw na UPM",,, mga ganon.. wala lang.. hindi ko pa kasi naranasang maituring na maging matalino e...at dahil lang don sa UP na marami ang nag-LOok up sa akin...wala lang..kaya, masyado akong nilunod ng pagiging iska. hindi ko man lang naranasang magsuot ng UPM tshirt tuwing thursday. makaranas ng NSTP sa diliman... maging isa sa mga taong nakikita ko dati sa loob ng PGH na kagalang-galang at palakad-lakad lang, habang may dala-dalang malalaki at makakapal na libro..ang mag-take part sa pag-search ng libro sa "lib.upm.edu.ph"

....

ang magsawa sa isang malaking mall sa loob ng isang sem. ang maging malapit sa national book store kung san pwede akong magbasa ng walang tigil.

farewell, hopes,ambitions and aspirations...

it was yesterday morning,after i got out of bed,and before my morning rituals that my mom broke up the silence between us.

"mag-usap nga tayo."

it was such a sentence that needed serious and though-provoking attention. then,it hit me. it happened. tears flooded. dreams crashed. my ego never returned.

a decision needs to be finalized..

sentences like these went into the conversation. "sabi ng tita mo,ayaw daw tumulong ni nanay kung hindi Nursing ang kukunin mo.." "kung mac-credit naman ang first sem,edi, tumuloy siya." "sorry, anak. mahirap lang kasi kami ni daddy mo.. hindi ka namin kayang pag-aralin sa manila.." "kahit saang school naman e.. bsta, nursing." "hindi rin naman kasi papansinin kung magdo-doctor siya." "sayang lang ang oras at panahon. kung magn-nursing siya, bakit itutuloy pa niya yung biochem? kung magshi-shift siya, why not now?" "ako naman ang tutulong sa kanya e. ayaw niyo ba non? ako na ang maghahanap ng trabaho para sa kanya? mas mdali na siyang makapag-trabaho dito,mas mdali pa kayong makakapunta abroad." "para sa anak natin, igagapang ko ang pag-aaral nila."

so, yun na yun. i feel like a fraud. loser. poser. ambisyosa.

kasi naman. bakit kasi ang hirap namin? T_T

bakit kasi nauso pa ang nursing? uso naman ang UP kung saan maraming job opportunities. i've been crying a river. grabe, buti pa yung ibang tao..kahit anong course ang kunin nila, ok lang sa parents nila. yung iba nga, tina-try talagang makapasok sa UP...

kaya, yun. goodbye dreams. hindi na talaga ako nakapag-aral sa isang renowned school..EVER. andaya.

hopefully, this won't be the last.

i actually think that i won't be having more of this blogging when i move to manila. i mean,i'd be far away from this pc, and there would be so much time that i need to dedicate to studying.

anyway, there are so many things that i would like to talk about.

i am now enrolled at UP Manila, yet i still cannot settle my account yet.

grabe naman kasi, ang mahal...hindi pa dala ni mommy yung pang-enroll ko...sabi ko kasi, dalhin na niya yung pang-enroll ko e. ayaw niyang maniwala na kailangan ay cash doon, at buo... waah!

andami ring pumapasok sa isip ko ngayon. katulad ng tungkol sa edukasyon ko. gusto ko matapos ang kursong inumpisahan ko dito sa UPM... ayokong maging incompetent, at gusto kong mapakita sa mga tao na hindi lang ako sinwerte na makapasok sa UP, kung hindi dahil magaling ako... gusto kong makita nila yun sa akin... oo na, ako na ang hindi honor nung grad...

pero, pano ko magagawa yan, kung kakailanganin ko rin naman umalis para sa kagustuhan ng mga magulang ko na mag-nursing ako? pano naman ang dream school ko? another thing bothering me is that the cash that

my parents will be splurging on me

. every requirement that i need to pass, every schedule that i need to attend to... every time i have to go to Manila, that alone costs so much---for us. I feel guilty. la lang... sana, naging katulad na lang ako ng classmates ko na, kahit anong course ang gusto nila, ok lang sa parents nila na yun yung kunin nila...

a new life?

our house has been renovated for a better purpose... the extension on the back was sealed with the cement all over...[?] basta, yun. tapos, ni-tiles din yung sahig... hehe... vinyl lang yung dati, ceramic tiles na ngayon anyway...

hindi lang tungkol sa bahay ang bagong buhay.. wala lang...

malapit na rin akong magpa-manila...dun ako magco-college e... haay..ang mahal pa man din ng cost of living don...O.o tatagal kaya ako? pano naman ang utak ko? hindi kaya sumabog kapag kinakailangang mag-aral? waaah...kamusta naman? T_T

s mga freshie na papasok rin sa UP manila, tapos na ba ang pag-file ng STFAP? feeling ko, di na ako qualified don..nsa akin pa rin kasi yung form ko! hindi pa tapos...T_T

anyway, yung nga...malalayo na ako sa pamilya ko, sa mga kaibigan at sa kanya...T_T but, since it's my dream, i have to deal with it...

i want to be a senator.

i watched late last night and one program that caught my attention was The Correspondents: Sarap Maging Senador..the documentary featured a senator's job, his income and his sidelines. grabe. their job have a salary of P35,000/month but when you add the government's budget, they can have as much as millionS! meron pang pork barrel! waaah!!! [kaya,ayos lang magwaldas ng pera tuwing eleksyon]

sabi nila, talino raw ang laban noon.. nakalimutan ko yung name ng dating senador na nagsabi..hehe, senxa naman.. tapos, yun nga.. ang mga senador daw noon, loyal at tapat sa tungkulin.. wala raw sideline. tapos, yung sa panahon ngayon, sideline na lang ang pagiging senador. c'mon. O.o

ang laki ng budget sa pork barrel [ano bang meron don?] at sa mga tauhan nung senador... grabe... ang yaman na nila! no wonder... anyway,saludo ako kay Ping Lacson...^^ katuwa siya, tinanggihan niya yung Pork Barrel..hehe..sila Drilon at Lim din...:D

i'm soooo bored!

andito ako sa bahay, walang ibang ginagawa kung hindi:

• manood ng dvds/vcds
• kumain ng chocolates [at kung ano2 pa]
• naghihintay ng tawag mula sa kanya
• mag-blog?

haay. antagal na nung huli akong lumabas ng bahay para gumala... namimiss ko na yung hs friends ko...

in time,mawawala na ako [sa laguna]. mawawalan na ng time para kami makapag-samasama ng matagal. kung magkakaroon man, limited lang. haay.

why do i have to be this far from my friends...?

I met his family..

it was arnie's graduation yesterday... he asked for my parent's permission a day before the event. at first, i wasn't allowed to go. since i protested on having the permission of my parents regarding his graduation, my father can't argue no more. hehe...;)

so, he fetched me up in our village and in the van was where i met his family...^^ they were so accommodating and fun to be with..I can never forget the [endless]picture-taking [go arcie..], the exchange of informal [funny] thoughts about anything being talked about..xp [go ariane..]

his classmates were so much excited when he introduced me to them..they were like,"arnie, sino yan? sister mo?"...he answered them with a smile...then they responded like,"OMG. girl mo?.. wow, arnie.."...

another instance was when we were about to leave. jen, his cousin, and doy, jen's guy and arnie's classmate, were commenting on him..."andaya mo naman, hindi mo man lang pinapakilala.."

nway,it was fun being with him [and them]

on their compound, he introduced me to his aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma...everyone. >,<

their comments were great...at least, they appreciated me...[they almost welcomed me into their family, though we're not really lovers yet...*d pa legal sa side ko e...hehe*]

grad ... ^^

alright, i know. I have been very busy updating my page. i was trying to make a new layout since it have been months since i last customized mine.

anyway.

Graduation/Commencement Exercises were held at the Covered Court of Barangay Batong Malake, where my school is located. the program started at 1 pm, sharp [we can't afford to start later, cause we were so many]. I was not able to march with my dad who made his effort of going back here in the Philippines [he's an OFW] because he was late--mom too.

The guest speaker is a flight stewardess named Mrs. Dondonay. She is an alumna and a daughter of Mrs. Pangga, the head teacher of Filipino.

It ended at almost 8:30 pm. As far as i know, there were 1,427 graduates--girls and boys combined.

During the program:

***i was situated in one of the hottest seats in the crowd. Grabe. kumusta naman ang init?!

***kuya arvin dropped by. as in, he only let me see me for a second.

***during the grad song, batchmates from the lower sections threw off ACSAT's fan giveaways which led to the outburst of Maura. [we were in tears when she started nagging them. the momentum of the event was crashed. O.o]

***arnie was introduced to my dad..>,<